We celebrated a wonderful Christmas this year. My husband and I hosted some guests overnight and had a small party on Christmas Day.

Opening presents opened my eyes to a behavior we might all want to be careful about.

Like all of our guests, one of them was quiet, polite, happy — but this one didn’t seem to have the gift of recognizing gifts. She was helpful and contributed greatly to everything, but when I offered her something she’d simply say “No,” and move on.

“Would you like to use my charger for your phone?”

“No, I have one in the car.”

“Would you like to try these dumplings?”

“No, I want to eat salad.”

I felt a little off-put — not bad, and the feeling is easy to dismiss, but it’s not a good feeling nevertheless.

There are at least two ways to look at this. The first is that I and others are overwhelming her, and she’s simply pulling a defensive tactic.

The second way is that she simply knows her own mind.

Either way, or any way, it’s fine.

I’m thinking though, it’s good to remember that others react to the words that come out of your mouth. It’s good to try to hear them from the other person’s point of view.

For example, if you don’t want to eat the dumplings because they look awful, say something like, “you worked really hard making those! I’m thinking though I’m a little full — I might just eat some salad now. I know the dumplings are here for later.” That answer saves the cook’s (mine) self-esteem, keeps you from lying, and prevents you from having to eat them.

It’s good to be gracious. Actually, this is why generations past took such care with manners and courtesy. People have feelings.

Just be aware. And to be kind, say “yes,” sometimes. You may be surprised.